ONE!

The whole truth and nothing but the truth.

DAY ONE: SOMETHING YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF

I could probably name a myriad of things for this one, but there is one thing in particular about me that is always causing me trouble in all aspects of my life.

 

Fear.

  (Jimmy! Make it stop!!!)

 Not all of my fears are cause for self hatred. Most of them are perfectly rational, prudent even. Fear of heights-natural. Fear of commitment-perfectly normal nowadays. Fear of aliens-just good sense. 

 But it's my fear of things like hurting people's feelings, expressing emotion, standing out, the dark, being vulnerable, looking ugly, change, what people think, failure, flirting, and on and on that seriously make me so mad. 

Example! I was so afraid of trying and failing in my first couple years of college that I completely shut down and didn't try at all. Obviously I ended up failing anyway, but because I chose failure instead of trying and failing I rationalized it as being okay.

Example dos! I stayed in a shitty, loveless, lonely, awful, self-esteem crushing relationship because I was too scared to tell him how I really felt, scared of the changes it would cause if we broke up, the inconveniences on other people, scared of hearing that he was miserable with me too, and scared of having to tell all the people that always know us as an "us" that we were over. 

I could go on for hours, but I shan't. 

The point is, I have to get over this stuff and grow up. I have to become okay with me the way I am and not be afraid of it or the world around me. 

Gotta Bridget Jones this shit! 

So, in closing I make this pledge, adapted from Bridget herself. 

I will not be defeated by my own brain and its ridiculous neuroses. Instead, I choose vodka. And Chaka Kahn.